It's not a criticism, it's an observation.
Football fashion failing fast

Mike Cox

As the bowl games signal an end to another college football season, I need to fuss a little about something that should be very important to all sports fans across this great land of ours. Fashion.

During the last weekend in November, I settled in to watch a rivalry game featuring Oregon and Oregon State. I expected one of those high scoring affairs the Pac Ten is famous for. They don't play defense out west.

I wasn't ready for an affront to the senses of anyone who has ever tried to match a shirt and pants. Oregon has the worst uniforms in college football. The black and green and yellow scheme is further horrifying with the style of uniform the Ducks use. Every single combination, and they have several, is so ugly it defies description.

Their ensemble for this particular game was as garish as I expected. What I wasn't ready for was the equally putrid home uniforms the Beavers were dressed in. Black and orange is unacceptable for any occasion except Halloween. Large expanses of it should be a federal crime. The uniform combination was so ugly I turned the channel by the end of the first quarter.

It looked like a Division Three playoff game or rugby. The sight spurred me to list a few dos and don'ts for fashion impaired coaches and athletic directors. With uniforms getting more obscene, and High Definition becoming more prevalent, we need to get back to basic fashion sense in college football.

Rule number one; Never, ever, ever wear the same color jersey and pants, unless it is classic white. No exceptions.

Number two; Keep uniform combinations to a minimum. A home set, a road set, and maybe one special jersey for major occasions or when the home team wants the crowd really fired up.

Rule three; Basic trim is a must. No weird shaped numbers, no chrome plate look on the shoulder pads, no multi- colored piping on the pants.

Rule four; Keep the Nike Swoosh indiscreet. I know most programs pay an obscene amount to advertise shoes, but this isn't NASCAR.

Rule five; Make sure to get a jersey large enough to cover the midsections of big, fat offensive lineman and lengthy enough to stay tucked. No one wants to see that much quivering flesh.

Rule six; If team colors clash, change something. Tradition is no reason to dress like a Slobovian on a Saturday night. If you wonder whether there's a problem, there probably is.

Rule seven; Orange. I know I'm prejudiced, but let's face it; orange is meant for convicts, hunters, and highway department flaggers. If your team colors involve orange, try to keep it to a minimum. Use orange for trim or a subdued, tasteful, jersey shade. And if your coach weighs more than 250, he should never be seen in a solid orange shirt. Are we straight Coach Fulmer?

See, this is easy to fix. Follow a few guidelines and get back on track. Call me if you have questions. Except for Oregon; they need to start over completely.

MWC423@bellsouth.net