It's not a criticism, it's an observation.
Cars can't fly, and refrain from putting people in the dryer

Mike Cox

It's a Ford commercial. The autos in the ads cruise above the highways; traveling easily on bridge barriers, railings, and ledges, balanced on one wheel. I have no idea what the company is trying to convey.

The interesting part is the disclaimer scrolling at the bottom of the screen, "This is a fantasy. Of course cars cannot travel on ledges." It's true we have gotten dumber over the decades, and the lawyers have taken warnings to extremes partially because we will sue anyone anytime for anything. But still.

Does the American viewing public really need to be told that cars can't fly? Wouldn't that kind of news be big enough so that even the most uninformed and idiotic citizen would know about it? Is there a judge in this fine country of ours who would allow a lawsuit for someone who tried to drive his car on a building ledge and was hurt and wanted to sue Ford? Yeah, I know the answer, too.

Maybe I'm giving the 21st century human too much credit. Maybe we really have become that dumb. It's possible we are close to those naive young adults in The Time Machine who are so conditioned to warnings, new studies, and opinions from Oprah, we are not capable of really thinking for ourselves anymore.

Britney Spears' lack of underwear and Paris Hilton's lost cell phone made national news. Two and a Half Men won a People's Choice Award. In an ESPN survey, 56% of the respondents think Pro Wrestling is fake. That's barely half of us.

People paid good money to see Talladega Nights and Snakes on a Plane . Hardees tried to give us what we wanted; more healthy lunch items. The chain nearly went broke and is now serving quadruple decker burgers with two pounds of cheese, a kilo of bacon, and a cup of cholesterol on the side for dipping.

Surveys suggest we want more quality entertainment with a moral compass. Truth is we still crave reality TV, car chases, and sex. So maybe we need guidance to keep from obliterating mankind.

On that note, here are the year's most absurd product warnings, or if you prefer, the most important safety information you will read today.

A new book available this season, called Remove Child Before Folding , by Bob Dorigo Jones, lists 101 silly, wacky, and stupid warning labels. Here are some of the best.

The Augusta Yellow Pages warns users not to read the directory while driving. Stick to the newspaper. A cell phone company informs people not to dry the phone in a microwave. You know this came from an actual incident.

Owners of Jet Skis are advised not to check fuel levels with a match. Lotto tickets in California have the phrase "Do not iron" printed on them. Does anyone iron anything anymore?

And the winner of the contest sponsored by the book's author; Laundromats suggest customers refrain from putting people in the dryers. Bummer. Now what will the kids do for fun in Pelion?

MWC423@bellsouth.net