Thirty-something speaks
Parenting can be ugly business
Mike Maddock

My relatively short life as the parent of three young children has changed me in many ways. Some of those ways are for the good, and others for the not- so- good. For example, I used to think I needed ten hours of uninterrupted sleep a night to function properly during the day.

Now, after almost 10 years in the parenting business and 6,000 middle of the night feedings, several 100 ear infections, 50 upset stomachs, too many nightmares, countless leaky diapers, and years worth of enduring some medieval torture known as teething, I've learned to really appreciate five or six good solid hours of sleep a night.

I've also learned that no amount of rational thinking or intelligent conversation at 2 am is going to convince a terrified four- year- old his curtains are simply there to block out the sun, not attack him and steal all his cars in the middle of the night.

I've become a more sympathetic person over these last 10 years too. I used to worry about the youth of the world. I saw many parents as mean and cruel, and I got angry every time I saw a mother yell at her kids.

I was outraged when I witnessed dads snatching their children up, then verbally berating them in front of their friends. I even wondered what could ever lead a parent to spank their own precious little gifts from God.

Well, I don't wonder about those things anymore. Now when I see a parent getting in his child's face, my first thought isn't for that poor kid. It's for that poor parent. When I was a mere witness to parenthood and not a participant, I was only privy to that final straw. I didn't see the chain of events that led up to that tongue- lashing or spanking.

I didn't know that poor parent had been up all night with her other child who had been teething, which had led to an upset stomach, which in turn caused a severe diaper rash.

I didn't know that parent had put off a trip to the grocery store just so the four- year- old could get out of the house and on a playground for a couple of hours.

I didn't know that instead of appreciating that grocery sacrifice, the little one had spent his time whining about the fact he had to wear tennis shoes instead of his favorite sandals and that his mother had forgotten his water bottle.

I didn't know he had decided to play drums with all the pots and pans right after mom had finally gotten the baby down for a nap.

I didn't see the little boy sneak off to the cookie aisle nor did I see the terror in his mother 's eyes when she realized he was gone. I only saw the mother after she had finally located the her son, and after she had had enough. I only saw her let loose on that child like some gristled old Marine drill sargent welcoming a new recruit.

Sure it was ugly, but now that I've experienced that exact scenario and many more like it, I realize that little militaristic scolding was necessary.

Parenting can be an ugly business, and I am continually amazed how such precious and wonderful little gifts from heaven can generate such anger. But they do.

So the next time a mother fusses uncontrollably at her three- year- old daughter, or a dad gets nose to nose with his six- year- old son, have a little sympathy for that parent. Chances are they've had a long day.