It's not a criticism, it's an observation.
Suing Mama
Mike Cox

When I was a little boy, my mother told me I was the prettiest baby she'd ever seen. When others pointed out my big ears, gapped front teeth, and short legs, I questioned her honesty.

She insisted that "sticks and stones could break my bones, but words could never hurt me." Right now I'm madder about that advice than the baseball card collection she threw away.

A group of San Diego firemen was forced by their supervisor, who happens to be gay, to drive a fire truck in the local Gay Pride Parade. The firefighters were subjected to humiliating taunts and suggestive phrases, and felt like they were on display. Any of this sound familiar, ladies?

The humiliation was so severe and the trauma so deep, the poor guys were forced to sue. The mental anguish associated with the harrowing parade experience must have closure. Money it seems, is the best way to get it.

Being an older man and not able to comprehend all the rules in today's kinder, gentler society, I'm having trouble with the math. My hangup is trying to use logic to determine when something is offensive, harmful, or degrading.

Men are supposed to be strong. Laughing off inappropriate behavior by drunks, fools, and idiots is covered in the first chapter of the Being a Man handbook. Besides, most of the comments I read, while inappropriate, are complimentary. If the Swedish Bikini Team had been shouting the catcalls, things would have been different.

During the same week, Kia Vaughn, a Rutgers basketball player, announced a lawsuit against the most evil man on the planet; Don Imus. It seems Imus harmed her reputation and character when he uttered the offensive words that got him fired and sued by CBS.

I was under the impression the only person whose reputation suffered was Imus's. Everyone else in that whole soap opera was praised for their dignity, grace, and courage.

Again, I'm confused. Vaughn will likely spend the rest of her life in anonymity after she graduates and finds a job; especially if she settles somewhere other than New Jersey. Unless she sues Don Imus. That will make her well- known and might damage her reputation. But if she wins, she'll be rich. So I guess it all comes out in the wash.

I don't fault these folks for doing whatever they think is right. I am more concerned with my circumstances. My parents raised me to shake off negative remarks. They told me that was the right way to do things. Through years of obscene variations on my last name, rude nicknames pertaining to my personal appearance, and general abuse by assorted authority figures, I shook it off, content in the belief I was doing the right thing. But now I see how lucrative it is to be offended, I wish my parents had given me better advice.

My mother recently told me I wasn't the prettiest baby on Earth any more. A newborn in South Alabama moved me into second place.

I'm traumatized. Maybe I'll sue.