It's not a criticism, it's an observation.
Fashion police save us from baggy pants
Mike Cox

The Hi Def TV in the auto repair waiting room was on CNN. The story was about the fashion police in Louisiana. A recent law was passed to save the youth of today from themselves by outlawing sagging pants. Five people have been arrested for wearing their pants in an improper and unlawful manner. I know I'm feeling safer.

While the story was airing, a woman in the waiting room was cheering the decision. She hated sagging pants, found it stupid and impractical, and agreed with the arrests. "No one should be allowed in public dressed that way."

She was wearing worn out jogging pants, flip flops, and a shapeless tank top with a sports bra underneath. I don't know if her outfit was dangerous or illegal, but it wasn't very flattering.

Several other cities and states are considering legislation to ban saggy pants and save America. Most adults agree this fashion trend is stupid, unflattering, and inconvenient. When you have to hold up your pants with one hand and do everything else with the other, there will be limitations in your ability to survive the day.

Law officers like chasing suspects with sagging pants. When the pants fall, so do the perpetrators. But most don't like the idea of having another law to enforce while real bad guys are getting more numerous. They understand trying to dictate fashion is ineffective and ridiculous; it shouldn't be society's job to legislate poor taste.

In addition to violating the Bill of Rights and setting a dangerous precedent, telling people what not to wear is impossible to enforce. We all know guys who are anatomically challenged. They were born without a butt to hold up their pants. They try to stay in compliance but when fixing a leaking pipe or changing your oil, they forget. We've all seen the result. Disgusting, yes. But is it illegal?

What about young women who insist on wearing low slung pants even though they are a few Twinkies north of the optimum weight for such fashion? Should they be arrested? What about String Bean? He invented the look.

If any laws are enacted concerning fashion, the very first ordinance should involve stretch pants. Any that can be pulled over the thighs of someone over 100 pounds should be illegal with a penalty of life without parole.

What happens if tank tops and flip flops suddenly become dangerous to society? Backward baseball caps? How about worn out Dockers and faded T- shirts? Who gets to determine what we can wear? Richard Simmons? Notorious BIG? Rosie O'Donnell? Maybe Paris Hilton.

Young people have been trying to irritate old codgers for centuries and will continue no matter what we do. The only way to fight this is to get middle age white guys to start dressing that way. As soon as the young trend setters see some old bald guy with a pony tail bustin' a sag, the fad is history. No self respecting, hard core Gangsta wannabe will ever dress that way again.

Problem solved.