It's not a criticism, it's an observation.
Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words...
Mike Cox

George Carlin pays a visit to Columbia on October 12 at the Township Auditorium. Carlin may be the most intelligent comedian ever. What he does with the English language compares to what Yo Yo Ma does with a bow.

Carlin has been around a long time, and his scope of work is enormous. He might be best known for his routine listing the seven words you couldn't say on television. I'd give you the list, but none of them are allowed in print. We newspapers still have to use $&#@%^!!, or dashes.

If you have cable television, you hear those seven words, and often. Some worry about the children, but as a father and a former child I can assure any parent your little precious has already heard most of the list and probably uttered several by third grade.

The uproar over vulgarities has always puzzled me. I never understood why certain words will send some of us into conniption fits while other expressions get no reaction. I thought words weren't supposed to hurt us.

Swearing can be an art form when used correctly. Many of the worst words are versatile; capable of being nouns, verbs, adjectives, and pronouns; sometimes in the same sentence. There are people who make cursing sound poetic. Others fail miserably. I remember former Vice President Spiro Agnew apologizing for two minutes before uttering one damn. Sounded ridiculous.

Foul language has evolved over the centuries. Blasphemy in the 15th Century was when anyone other than an ordained priest spoke of the Lord outside the church. Now people use religion to sell everything from fried chicken to politics.

Originally cursing was actually meant to place a curse on someone. Then certain things we mammals do, but don't like to admit, were added to things one can't say in mixed company.

As time passes, the rules for vulgarities keep changing. Taboo words in Australia and Great Britain are okay in the States. Things I said as a youngster got a mouth full of Ivory soap are now acceptable, but the new curse words are more likely offensive to minorities. Derogatory expressions of race, sex, religion, and affliction are now taboo, even as we allow the envelope to be pushed on old reliable vulgar expressions.

The part that gives me trouble is simple. For every foul thing one can say, there is an acceptable alternative that means the same thing. Shouldn't invoking the idea be as vulgar as the magic word itself?

Every curse we have, every unmentionable act, all blasphemous expressions, have benign alternates we can use at the office, during school, even around our moms, and no one gets in trouble. Common sense demands that any word that promotes the thought should be as unacceptable as the original dirty word. But that isn't the case.

And what about words that really are bad for all of us, expressions we could do without. Words like stupid, hate, idiot, shut up, and ugly. Why don't we teach our children to banish them from their vocabulary? Aren't words like these true obscenities?