Thirty-something speaks
Animation keeps reality's ugly mitts off

Mike Maddock

The decision makers at Disney may want to reconsider the use of actual people in their movies because animated characters don't end up on the Internet wearing nothing but hairspray. They don't check themselves into rehab, and they don't run over paparazzi. I wish I could say that about real people.

Real people make mistakes, which is OK. I just wish I didn't have to explain those mistakes to my kids.

My youngest daughter came home from school the other day scared to death that Gabriella and Troy were in jail somewhere because of some pictures in a magazine, and (gasp) the making of High School Musical 3 was now in serious jeopardy.

I had to explain that Gabriella and Troy were characters from High School Musical played by Vanessa Ann Hudgens and Zac Efron.

"I know that Daddy!" she yelled. "But why are they in jail?!?"

Apparently, the rumor mill was flying through my daughter's second grade class, because someone has an older brother or sister with some pop culture knowledge. I begrudgingly explained that Ms. Hudgens did an incredibly stupid thing, and now her stupid things were in full view on the Internet.

My daughter was shocked and slightly outraged but happy to know that no one was in jail and High School Musical 3 would proceed as scheduled.

Real people with real problems and tendencies toward stupidity need to stick to the grown- up movies. My innocence was not in jeopardy when Braveheart went from Scottish hero to drunk driving anti- Semite. I was corrupted long ago and Mel Gibson's off-screen troubles have no effect on me.

My kids are a different story. Animation keeps reality's ugly little mitts off them for a while, even if those cartoon characters' situations are a bit sketchy.

Take Peter Pan for instance. There are all kinds of possibilities for that guy to get in trouble. I mean he flies around in green tights, shares a residence with six small boys, and his best friend is a fairy. That's a recipe for disaster and, yet, his record is clean.

Snow White's had her opportunities, too. She lived with seven bachelors. Grant it, they weren't exactly Prince Charming, but was there a reason one was happy all the time and another was grumpy? Why was sleepy so tired? These are questions I don't need answered. Regardless of the potentially scandalous environment, Snow White is as pure as her namesake.

I could go on. Cinderella's best friends might have been mice and she wore slippers made out of glass, but she checked into a castle, not Betty Ford. The Little Mermaid was a teenage runaway (or a swim-away to be more specific), but she got her voice and made something of herself.

The animated world is so much nicer than our real world. My youngest daughter may never get to fly to Neverland and her future husband may be more of a putz than a prince, but at least her innocence will stay in tact.

Peter Pan hangs out with a pixie, but he won't ever be caught with someone named Paris, and Cinderella got her prince the old fashioned way. She didn't need to send him pictures.