It's not a criticism, it's an observation
Sinking into the bowels of satellite TV
Mike Cox

At first glance it was a benign act; an ordinary example of overactive consumerism. Little did I know I was descending into the bowels of satellite TV Hell.

We joined the high definition revolution and started modestly; a 27 inch Sony. My satellite company said a new receiver would be connected in a couple of days. It all sounded so simple.

The technician who came was a little squirrelly. All he wanted was to get in and out as quickly as possible with no commitment to customer service. That was okay. I just wanted the receiver.

After a couple of months, I noticed two of the hi def channels were missing and called customer service. The high quality rep they sent was the same guy. I wondered if he was all the company had.

Mr. Wonderful said the problem was bad reception caused by trees. He pointed out the ones to trim then said we could reset our receiver and the missing channels would magically reappear.

I was skeptical, but he left me his cell phone number in case there was a problem. After I cut the tree limbs in question, reset the receiver, and nothing happened, I called Mr. Slacker back. No one answered or returned my call.

When I reported the incident to my friendly and efficient customer service department, they were really sorry about the issue but informed me I had been such a good customer I was entitled to a new Hi Def receiver at no charge. This sounded like a good time to get a new flat screen for the Man Room.

When I made the next appointment, I specifically asked for someone other than my old friend. The company complied. They sent someone worse. This guy was straight out of a Chris Rock routine. He made two visits to my home conspiratorially spewing line after line about taking care of me. Nothing he told me was true. A lot of it contradicted other things he said.

He also said trees were causing my problem. I asked for another opinion. The guy who showed up next was the first person with the company who actually impressed me. He was courteous, businesslike, and efficient. And he agreed with the two dimwits. I needed to cut some trees.

After removing a couple of cords of wood from the yard, I got a new hi def dish, two new receivers, and lots of available channels. It only took three more visits and five phone calls. I shouldn't complain; none of this cost me a penny. And I'm now in hi def ecstasy.

I can watch Mythbusters

and Mega Builder in

high definition. I can view

quality movies like Scream

and Free Willy 2; The

Adventure Home in mindblowing detail. But sports give hi def the best showcase.

I thought I was at the pinnacle of viewing pleasure recently. Green grass, well matched teams, crystal clear picture. You could see the middle linebacker's scars. Then Bonnie Bernstein came on. Up close. Smiling. Immediately everything I endured was well worth it. Hi def indeed.