Canine Americans at- large
The Poo and The Chi
By John Dixon Cub@TheColumbiaStar.com

Welcome to this special Post- Halloween edition of Canine Wisdom. I love Halloween. It is, in fact, probably my favorite holiday. I guess I am a bit of an actor at heart because I like to dress in costume and pretend to be someone or something else for just a few hours. The Canine Americans in my house, however, are too sophisticated to dress up for the purpose of committing random mischief on All Hallows Eve, but they are not averse to creating their own special brand of mayhem on any given day of the week. I now share some of their more alarming practices.

It came from under the sofa

In the realm of the Canine Americans, you must take great care when you step past the sofa, or you may lose a toe for this is the dominion of the Chi who's very territorial. I have come to suspect she spends her days under there in the dark indulging in nefarious activities such as plotting world domination, hoarding treasures, and filling the larders in preparation for a lengthy siege. I believe this because the other day when I was searching for a lost shoe I shined a light into the Chi's domain only to be met by two glowing orbs and pearly white fangs belonging to the sovereign. Before I was banished, I also spied a full bowl of kibble, several toys, and (I am not

quite sure about this one) an open copy of… The Art of

War?!. In any case, we should know soon what all of these signs mean for I feel sure she plans to launch her attack before Epiphany. I sense "the Chi is Rising!"

A spiritual experience

As is true of most dogs, the Canine Americans at my house love to ride. The Chi is usually content to dart from lap to lap in search of the best view and most comfortable seat. For the Poo however, a ride is an almost spiritual experience. He sits erect, face to the wind, eyes closed, nose to the air, and meditates. If he had lips and thumbs, I suspect he would be sitting in Lotus position, palms up and, chanting. As he is not capable of actually doing so, he generally establishes a steady base, rolls down my window, puts his nose to the wind, and sits like a statue until the ride is done.

Coyotita

When the Chi was still a pup her fur was much darker than it is now, and she had a nasty habit of lurking around corners and sneaking up on you when you least expected it. One Saturday my mom took her to work. The custodian, unaware that anyone else was in the building, almost fell off his ladder when the Chi appeared around the corner at full gallop, yipping loudly. The poor man was heard to loudly exclaim, "Oh Lord! It's an itty- bitty coyote!" Hence, the Chi became known as Coyotita.

A canine cacophony

Our Canine Americans have developed quite the vocal repertoire. The Chi can be heard from beneath the sofa grunting and squeaking in her sleep sounding like a guinea pig. She has also developed a "yarp" noise, which sounds like a cross between a yowl and a yap. It really isn't a noise anyone should expect from a dog. The Poo is much more vocally talented. He arks, shrieks, bays, and yodels. The shriek is designed to grate on human nerves and gain him his wants and needs as soon as physically possible. The bay seems to be a complaint about my brother's music, and the yodel is a special greeting reserved for those most special to him.

If you happened by our house trick- or- treating on Halloween you probably wisely avoided passing near the sofa and loveseat, lest you be greeted by the fangs of the itty- bitty coyote and the shrieks of the an impatient Poo. Actually, there was no reason to be scared, it was just the Canine Americans making their presence known and making a bid to keep all of the candy for themselves.