Thirty-something speaks
Tis the season to get trampled
Mike Maddock

I heard some lady went to a Wal-Mart at 3 am last Friday morning just to be first in line when the store opened its doors at 6 am to kick off the holiday shopping season.

This lady apparently did not realize the problem with being first in line is a lot of people are behind you. If you happen to be a little slow or in the way, then chances are, depending on the crowd's thirst for half- priced DVD players or two- for- the-price- of- one picture frames, you are going to get trampled. That is exactly what happened to that poor lady.

She woke up well before the sun ever thought of coming up, got her spot at the front of the line anticipating a magnificent dive into a sea of bargains, but she never even made it to the Wal- Mart greeter. She got trampled for a few good deals.

I heard she'll be OK, and the Wal- Mart has a DVD player on hold for her when she gets out of the hospital.

How nice.

I feel for this lady, but for the life of me I can find absolutely no reason to ever get up before lunch to go to a Wal- Mart, much less get there at 3 am. Then, to top it off, risk being stampeded by a heard of overzealous bargain hunters. Why in the world do people do this?

Is it for the same reason so many people run with the bulls in Spain? Obviously bursting through the doors of Wal-Mart and fighting through herds of bargain-hungry consumers doesn't conjure up the same historical glory as running through the old streets of Spain with a herd of angry bulls, but the risks are similar, and the payoff is about the same in my opinion.

Spaniards get the honor of saying they ran with the bulls, and Wal- Mart shoppers get the honor of saying they saved four bucks on a badminton set.

Or are people simply so desperate for bargains they'll give up a night of sleep and possibly a limb to get Uncle Charlie a really inexpensive, 20- pack of socks for Christmas?

I suspect it's the latter.

My wife went to one of these sales several years ago. She got up at some God- awful hour, and came home bruised, battered, and completely disheveled. To her credit though, she got nearly all of our Christmas shopping done that year before 9 am. But she hasn't gone to a day after Thanksgiving sale since. Maybe that shopping experience is kind of like bungi jumping. Do it once for the thrill, and that's enough.

Maybe I am the wrong person to comment on the shopping habits of the American consumer. I can hardly stand to run into a half-empty convenience store for a Coke. Plus, the thought of entering a Wal-Mart during any part of the holiday shopping season terrifies me. I would rather be put in a straight jacket and forced to watch Justin Timberlake videos than enter a Wal- Mart the day after Thanksgiving. So I am probably not qualified to pass judgment on the shopping nation.

I'll leave that to the professionals. I'll just sneak into Wal- Mart like I always do a couple of days before Christmas with the rest of the last minute males. Sure, all the good stuff will be gone, and the only bargains will be leftover Halloween candy. But hopefully, the crowds and their DVD players will be long gone. Uncle Charlie may get another gigantic bag of mini-snickers for Christmas, but I'll be safe and happy.

Isn't that what Christmas is really all about?