Thirty- something speaks
Stupid is as stupid quotes
Mike Maddock

My three- year- old son was playing a game with his two older sisters a few moths ago when he crawled on the couch, stood tall with his chest stuck out, and commanded, "Bow to me!" My wife abruptly stopped whatever she was doing and gave me a horrified look as if to ask, "Did you hear that?!?" When I only responded with a chuckle, she asked the question out loud.

"Yes, I heard that," I said. "I also heard it the last five or six times we watched Mthue lDanisney movie …he's movie quoting."

"Movie quoting?" she asked as if she had no idea what I was talking about. To her credit, she probably wasn't aware of yet another fundamental difference between men and women.

When women watch a good movie they feel the romance, soak in the scenery, and remember how they felt when the leading man finally realized his true feelings for the long- suffering heroine. When men see a good (or bad) movie, especially more than once, they don't remember feelings or sunsets. Men remember quotes.

As an example, when the ladies congregate to discuss movies, they get teary- eyed and say things like, "Didn't you just love when Jenny finally married Forrest and Lt. Dan came, and their son was there with them at that beautiful, old plantation house?" When men discuss the same movie it goes something like this, "'Stupid is as stupid does'…yeah, that was great."

No studies have been done to verify this genetic discrepancy, but I can prove it nonetheless. All I have to do is hand a group of guys a couple of golf clubs and say, "A Cinderella story outta nowhere...former greens keeper and now about to become the Masters champion." What follows will be an hour- long, unofficial competition to determine who knows not only the remaining classic quotes

from the 1980 film Caddyshack

, but also who can do the most realistic imitation of the characters. Quoting is the easy part. Getting the mannerisms, facial expressions, and voice correct is the real challenge.

In high school, my friends and I once had a month long debate on what tChaed Bdiysshhoapc kc haracter from screamed in the scene where he misses a putt attempt to break the course record just before he was struck by lightning. The women reading this column just went, "What a bunch of morons!" But the men reading are now trying to remember, "Was it 'AAAAWWWWW rat f*%ts!"

It's a genetic certainty. Go to a playground and observe for a while. The little girls will be setting up elaborate imaginary kingdoms where the prince can rescue them from the evil Queen. The boys will be running in multiple directions screaming, "You're next, Hook! This time you've gone too far!"

So my wife can worry if she so chooses, but it's not going to do her much good. Just like my son will have an instinctual inclination to scratch inappropriately and cook outdoors, he'll movie quote until his memory fails him. I think Caddyshack's Judge Smails said it best, "It's easy to grin, when your ship comes in and you've got the stock market beat. But the man who's worthwhile, is the man who can smile when his shorts are too tight in the seat."

Yes, I know it has nothing to do with anything, but isn't it a great quote?