Don't call the old lady Grandma

Dexter walks into the convenience store late one night. He hangs around the drink boxes in the back while three customers pay for purchases and leave.

Faye, a 67- year- old assistant manager, is the only other person in the store. Dexter walks to the check- out, and puts a Diet Coke on the counter. Faye rings up the sale when Dexter pulls out a 9mm pistol.

"While you're in that drawer, gimme all the money and I won't have to kill you!" says the Dexter.

"Go ahead, take it all," says Faye. "It don't matter to me, it ain't my money." She takes money out of the register. Dexter scoops up the cash and shoves it into his pockets.

As Dexter backs away he warns the old lady, "Don't you go calling no cops, 'cause if you do, I'll come back and smoke you- you hear that, Grandma?"

Apparently, the word Grandma infuriates Fay. Reaching down under the counter, the woman yells, "Grandma? Grandma? Who the heck you callin' Grandma, you young snot?"

Having said that, Faye levels a .38-caliber pistol at Dexter, closes her eyes and squeezes off one shot. When she opens her eyes, Dexter is on the floor writhing in pain, holding himself between the legs.

Faye calls the cops. A few minutes later, Dexter is disarmed, loaded onto an ambulance, and taken to the local emergency room. Faye is trembling as the cops interview her for the incident report.

They tell her she probably won't get in any trouble for shooting an armed robber. "You're lucky he didn't shoot when you reached down under the counter," one cop comments.

"Maybe," says Faye, "but I ain't too old to shoot his skinny butt, and I sure ain't no Grandma!" The cops are very careful not to make the same mistake. They speak to Faye using only the word, ma'am. The cops do, however, confiscate Grandma's gun, at least until after the trial.

CallTheCops@sc.rr.com