Canine Conflicts
By John Dixon
Our family, like all others, has its conflicts. It's nothing major just a little squabble now and again, and of course, the Canine Americans are in the thick of it. The following tales are a few observations I've made during recent dogly disagreements.

The Chi

King of the Ottoman Empire The Poo has an unusual affinity for dad's big leather footstool. He can often be seen sitting atop it regally, like a king upon a throne. The Poo rarely sits there unless dad is comfortably ensconced in his chair with his feet propped up. While upon the throne, the Poo feels invincible, so much so in fact, he dares the Chi to come within a foot of him and under no circumstances is she to be allowed in dad's lap. From here, he surveys his domain and occasionally slumbers, secure in the knowledge that he is the King of the Ottoman Empire.

Devil Doggy I won't say the Chi is exactly evil, but she can be quite testy. In fact, my friend Coleman labored long under the impression she was actually Satan incarnate because each time he came close to her the Chi would bare her teeth, snarl viscously, and lunge violently towards him while barking ferociously. This is her usual greeting for all interlopers who have aY chromosome. Once you get to know her it's not that bad. In fact, the Chi has even won Coleman over by contentedly nesting in his lap for an early evening ride when we took him home. I guess she figured he made a comfy seat from which to enjoy her ride. I think they are actually friends now.

The Poo

Who's the Boss? On occasion, the Poo is known to have delusions of grandeur in which he believes he is the Alpha dog in this pack. He orders us around staring at what he wants and barking insistently. When we don't move fast enough he uses his Canine telepathy to appeal to the real Alpha dog, dad, who gives voice to the demands of the Poo. This leaves us to ponder who's the boss after all.

When All Else Fails…Sit on Them! Remember the Chi has a supreme attitude and tends to sharply reprimand those who cross the line. If she has a cookie she will watch it jealously, hurtling forward in a ball of fur and fangs to assail the Poo's heels should he pass too close. If the Chi is eating, she will viciously attack anyone who is near. If she is warm and comfy in mom's lap, it is best to let the nesting Chi lie lest you lose a finger. Occasionally, the Poo will become fed up with the Chi's antics and throw his weight around…Literally. When he's had enough he will take advantage of his superior size and intellect and simply sit on her, which usually settles the matter rather quickly.

I hope you have enjoyed this installment of Canine Conflicts. Those are all the tales I have for now, though I am sure they will soon provide me with more fodder for future columns.