Thirty-something speaks
Men have a button in the back of their heads
Mike Maddock

My mother is convinced that all men are born with a button in the back of their heads that is activated when they sit in recliners and lean against the headrests. The button then signals the brain and it's lights out for the men. According to my mom, these buttons are more powerful than an entire bottle of Ambien. She cites 64 years of experience around the male species as proof.

I have to admit my mother has a good argument. My grandfather, her father, was probably evidence enough. He could be in mid- sentence discussing politics or Gamecock football and as soon as the back of his head found that La- Z- Boy a brilliant conversation almost immediately turned into peaceful snoring.

My dad wasn't much better. I don't think he ever saw the end of a movie from the comfort of his recliner. My father was snoozing by the time Forrest Gump took a bullet to the rear in the jungles of Vietnam, and I imagine he probably wondered what was so wonderful about It's a Wonderful Life. My dad was always well into an REM cycle right after Uncle Billy loses George Bailey's money.

There is one caveat to my mother's claim. I believe the footrest plays a vital role in the button activation process. Most men can stay conscious with their feet on the ground, but once those feet are elevated, and the body is truly reclined, then sleep hits them quicker than a heavy dose of anesthesia. That's probably why I don't have a recliner in my house - nothing would ever get done. I sure would be rested though.

I suspect women are born with similar buttons in the backs of their heads, but they have the good sense to avoid recliners. That's why they call them La- Z- Boys, not La- Z- Girls. Venture into any furniture store showroom, and it's plain to see. The men are scattered about in various recliners while the women are checking out dresser drawers. My mother- in- - law will actually grab a chair from the dining room before she'll sit in one of three recliners in her living room. Meanwhile, my father- in- law snores away out cold in his favorite recliner. Women aren't immune; they're just better at resisting the temptations of a super soft chair with a handle- activated built- in footrest.

I've resisted the temptations of life with a recliner to this point, primarily because of the commitment involved. First of all, it's a steep price to pay for a place to sit. Second, there's really no good way to fit a recliner into a living room. I suspect that's why interior designers don't spend much time at La- Z- Boy outlets. Finally, I'm pretty sure the button in the back of my head is fully developed and ready to go, but I'm not ready to start snoring in the midst of a conversation, and I still like knowing how movies end...even bad movies.